"Pleasure disappoints, possibility never" – Søren Kierkegaard
How easy it is to give in to the cynicism and not dreaming of new possibilities?
For me, it's all too easy. Whenever my heart starts to feel the joy of contemplating a new possibility and I begin to envision an exciting future, suddenly I hear a voice within me saying, "You'll never achieve that." As soon as I hear this, it feels like doors are slamming shut.
I spent years trying to rid myself of this cynic voice, attempting every method imaginable: ignoring it, hyping myself up, meditation—you name it. But the more I tried to get rid of it, the more it seemed to take control of my life, leaving me with a heavy, closed heart. Perhaps we all have a voice like that inside us—cynical and mean at first glance. And no one wants to live with such negativity inside their head, right?
Dismissing new opportunities can give a sense of comfort at the beginning, but there is a dark side to it as well. Constantly shutting myself down of imagining the life I want to live started to give me an immense pain. This unbearable pain led me to seek pleasure, and then I found myself trapped in the abyss. Staying in the deepest hole, helpless, I started to accept my fate; I was now cynical guy, I had no choice.
Then a realization kicks in.
It took me a decade to realize that this is a part of me, and the best way to not let cynicism take over my life is simply to listen to it with curiosity and compassion.
When I started to listen to it, it was all clear to me that this cynical part is trying to protect me, so I don't end up getting disappointed if I don't get the result I want. Now what helps me is to communicate with this part and reassure him that I understand him, and let him know that this type of thinking is not serving me anymore. Because I know how painful it is to give up on new possibilities, and I know no amount of pleasure would ease my pain. I also know the feeling of my heart expanding just by considering new possibilities—the feeling of being alive and motivated to take necessary action. I know how light my heart feels when I understand that if one door closes, it will lead to other doors opening for me.
Image credit: a mural in Portland