I've watched enough self-help and gym bro videos to have a mini David Goggins voice in my head, shouting at me to get up, wake up early, and grind. I know many people, particularly men, find this mentality helpful. However, I don't find it sustainable, especially mentally. It makes me judge and criticize myself, putting a lot of pressure on me. Most importantly, it makes me see the concept of discipline and structure negatively. This often leads me to swing to the opposite end of the spectrum, leaving discipline altogether. Then, a non-stop tug of war starts in my head, which doesn't help me.
Discipline is a bad word in our culture. People associate it with having to do what they're told. But discipline is quite a lovely word. It comes from the same root as disciple, and it means seeing yourself through the eyes of the teacher who loves you. — Marion Woodman
What this drill sergeant-like voice does is oppress the part of me that says, "I don't want to get out of bed; I just want to lay down and look at my phone." But the point isn't to oppress this voice nor to get rid of it. The point is to nurture a voice within that says, "I know you don't want to, but we will do it to reach our dreams." We need series of action to cultivate this voice, and to remind us where we want to go. And we don't have to be waking up at 4 am and taking a cold shower. Having discipline and structure in your life is a form of self-love, consisting of gentle reminders.
As humans, we need constant reminders. We quickly forget what is important to us: where we want to go and what we envision. If we don't ask ourselves these questions, our vision becomes blurry, and soon we find ourselves in a dark hall. The beloved psychoanalyst Carl Jung said, "Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." We'd rather be in the outside world than inside. We'd rather be noisy about our neighbor's garden than tend to our own. We'd rather check social media first thing in the morning than do a check-in with ourselves. Without reminders to look inside, it's easy for our vision to blur, and it's hard to wake up from the dream.
So now I phrase the word "discipline" as "reminder." I find myself needing constant reminders of who I am, what I've achieved, and what I want to achieve. Without reminders, I forget my path, get lost in old patterns, and suddenly days turn into weeks and months. For my inner child, who has the memory of a goldfish, discipline is these gentle reminders so that he can remember to fly instead of crawl.